From Diva to Dolt
by Katherine Mikkelson
To the parents of babies and toddlers: That kid of yours sure is cute. I love the way she smiles up at you adoringly. And the way she hugs you tight around the neck when you drop her off at preschool. She is so precious when she glances your direction as she colors, looking for your approval. And it’s beyond endearing when she blows you kisses when you and your spouse leave for a date night.
I am here to tell you that at some point, that adoring, adorable, dear child is going to turn on you. You won’t even realize its coming, but that kid is going to tell you to buzz off. I know, because it happened to me.
I see it looking back on old photos, but I also remember my sons’ admiration and delight with me. Like when I took them to The Choo-Choo Diner in Des Plaines for the first time and their burger was delivered in those little red plastic baskets by that charming train. Or when I told them a story about my brother shooting me in the knee with an arrow when I was 11, and they actually listened and wanted the story repeated, especially the hilarious part about my mom scoffing at my injury. Or their delight on finding Easter bunny tracks through the house that I painstakingly created with baby powder and my strategically placed fingertips. Man, back in those days, I was the family rock star. I could do no wrong.
But when they turned 12, I suddenly went from diva to dolt. No one prepares you for this development as a parent. It whips up like a microburst on a sunny day, leaving a path of destruction and ruin. The stories that were once so funny and they begged you to retell are now met with, “Mom, I’ve heard that one a million times before.” Your sage advice on school/bullies/girlfriends is met with an eye roll and “you just don’t understand”, even though you’ve been through the entire high school experience yourself. Your praise on the goal made, the art project awarded, the math test aced — praise that used to elicit grins of happiness — is now summarily discarded with sneers and “whatevers”.
But it goes deeper than that. Rejection is one thing, but unkindness and spite are unfortunately doled out with abandon. No one warns you that your heart will break a little when your daughter mocks your outfit suggestion. No one notifies you that you will feel actual pain when your son tells you to mind your own damn business. No one can prepare you for the day your kid will make you cry when he calls you a bad word that you weren’t even aware he knew.
Child development experts say this type of behavior is natural, and is a tween’s way of beginning to separate from the parents. Kids becoming independent is the wish and dream for all parents everywhere, but does it have to be so tear-streaked and messy?
Friends and relatives who are a bit older than us tell us things do get better, eventually. One friend told me how he was taken aback when his son came to him asking him for advice on a house he wanted to purchase. Another friend was surprised when her daughter wanted her honest opinion and critique on a paper she wrote for a college class. I, for one, will fall over in astonishment the day my sons will come to me for advice. Of course, it will be dispensed freely, even as I slap myself a few times to prevent my body from going into shock.
So parents of babies and toddlers: bask in the sunshine of veneration and love while it lasts. You will fall from grace in a few short years and be relegated to geekdom if you’re lucky, or persona non grata if you’re not. You’ve been warned. You’re welcome.
Katherine Mikkelson is an attorney-turned-writer who lives in Arlington Heights. She blogs at http://StateEats.com, which highlights food from all 50 states.
Back to Katherine's Page
Can not be reproduced or used without written permission Copyright, 2016 All rights reserved
by Katherine Mikkelson
To the parents of babies and toddlers: That kid of yours sure is cute. I love the way she smiles up at you adoringly. And the way she hugs you tight around the neck when you drop her off at preschool. She is so precious when she glances your direction as she colors, looking for your approval. And it’s beyond endearing when she blows you kisses when you and your spouse leave for a date night.
I am here to tell you that at some point, that adoring, adorable, dear child is going to turn on you. You won’t even realize its coming, but that kid is going to tell you to buzz off. I know, because it happened to me.
I see it looking back on old photos, but I also remember my sons’ admiration and delight with me. Like when I took them to The Choo-Choo Diner in Des Plaines for the first time and their burger was delivered in those little red plastic baskets by that charming train. Or when I told them a story about my brother shooting me in the knee with an arrow when I was 11, and they actually listened and wanted the story repeated, especially the hilarious part about my mom scoffing at my injury. Or their delight on finding Easter bunny tracks through the house that I painstakingly created with baby powder and my strategically placed fingertips. Man, back in those days, I was the family rock star. I could do no wrong.
But when they turned 12, I suddenly went from diva to dolt. No one prepares you for this development as a parent. It whips up like a microburst on a sunny day, leaving a path of destruction and ruin. The stories that were once so funny and they begged you to retell are now met with, “Mom, I’ve heard that one a million times before.” Your sage advice on school/bullies/girlfriends is met with an eye roll and “you just don’t understand”, even though you’ve been through the entire high school experience yourself. Your praise on the goal made, the art project awarded, the math test aced — praise that used to elicit grins of happiness — is now summarily discarded with sneers and “whatevers”.
But it goes deeper than that. Rejection is one thing, but unkindness and spite are unfortunately doled out with abandon. No one warns you that your heart will break a little when your daughter mocks your outfit suggestion. No one notifies you that you will feel actual pain when your son tells you to mind your own damn business. No one can prepare you for the day your kid will make you cry when he calls you a bad word that you weren’t even aware he knew.
Child development experts say this type of behavior is natural, and is a tween’s way of beginning to separate from the parents. Kids becoming independent is the wish and dream for all parents everywhere, but does it have to be so tear-streaked and messy?
Friends and relatives who are a bit older than us tell us things do get better, eventually. One friend told me how he was taken aback when his son came to him asking him for advice on a house he wanted to purchase. Another friend was surprised when her daughter wanted her honest opinion and critique on a paper she wrote for a college class. I, for one, will fall over in astonishment the day my sons will come to me for advice. Of course, it will be dispensed freely, even as I slap myself a few times to prevent my body from going into shock.
So parents of babies and toddlers: bask in the sunshine of veneration and love while it lasts. You will fall from grace in a few short years and be relegated to geekdom if you’re lucky, or persona non grata if you’re not. You’ve been warned. You’re welcome.
Katherine Mikkelson is an attorney-turned-writer who lives in Arlington Heights. She blogs at http://StateEats.com, which highlights food from all 50 states.
Back to Katherine's Page
Can not be reproduced or used without written permission Copyright, 2016 All rights reserved
