Kids Will Cost Ya
by Katherine Mikkelson
Hey, all you new parents out there. I have a newsflash. Kids are expensive. No, I mean, really, reeeeallly expensive. I’m not just talking about the CNN estimates that put a child born in 2013 costing a cool quarter of a million dollars for a middle-income family in the urban Midwest. Yes, categories such as child care, education, health care, clothing, food, housing, and transportation all account for large layouts of cash, but those are expected costs. I’m talking about unexpected costs— and there are many. Because your children and my children and everyone else’s children are, by definition, youngsters and youngsters do dumb things. Yes, new parents, I know it’s hard to believe looking down at your little baby, who is repeatedly delighted by kicking off his socks or playing peekaboo with you, but this baby will grow up and will do something stupid that will cost you hard-earned dollars.
A few examples from my own family, you ask? Happy to oblige. My older son racked up $1000 in fees on his gaming system when he “traded players” while playing a sports video game. Each transaction was a few dollars, but he made a multitude of transactions over a period of a month until the credit card bill came— he was banished for life from every playing again.
This same son also rear-ended a car a half a block from school. Because he was 16 years old and was driving with two friends in the car, under the graduated license laws, he was ticketed and had a mandatory court date. Yes, this involved hiring a lawyer. Yes, attorney’s fees are costly. And yes he was grounded— also for life (well, almost).
My extended family alone has many a tale. When my brother-in-law was little, he found an abandoned bucket of paint with a paint brush sticking out of it. He picked up the brush and then walked home, leaving a stripe on every fence, sign, bush, and garage he passed. My father-in-law had to pay every one of those homeowners to fix the damage. This is the same kid who stuck a pickle up his nose to see what would happen and ended up having to go to the ER when his nose swelled from the vinegar. This is also the same kid who convinced his younger brother (not my husband, I swear) to take a bone away from a neighbor’s dog. The younger brother was bit several times, prompting an ER trip and then multiple doctor visits.
When my nephew was in high school, he house-sat for his aunt and uncle. He called a few friends to come over. Word got out there was a party. Of course hundreds of kids arrived. Of course someone brought alcohol. Of course it got out of hand, with kids trashing the house, including knocking holes in the walls. And of course my brother and sister-in-law had to pay for all those repairs.
Ask any family you know and they will regale you with their stories. My boss’ sister flushed $6,000 down the toilet when her daughter refused to wear her retainer and her teeth completely reverted to their pre-braces state. A friend’s son jumped off the roof of another friend’s house and broke his wrist. My son jumped, too, but only suffered a minor twisted ankle, and then lied to me and told me he did it playing basketball. A teenager we know jokingly slid across the hood of a friend’s car, but his body weight dented it, to the tune of $1,500.
To all the parents out there who have had to replace bikes and toys, go to the ER, or call another parent to apologize: I feel your pain. Be assured, new parents, it’s coming. The day your sweet, innocent Jessica hauls off and smacks another kid at preschool and breaks her glasses. Or the day your fun-loving Justin rides his bike backwards, falls and fractures his arm. You might sigh, and you just might cry. But you will definitely open your wallet.
Katherine Mikkelson is an attorney-turned-writer who lives in Arlington Heights. She blogs at http://StateEats.com, which highlights food from all 50 states.
Back to Katherine's Page
Can not be reproduced or used without written permission Copyright, 2015 All rights reserved
by Katherine Mikkelson
Hey, all you new parents out there. I have a newsflash. Kids are expensive. No, I mean, really, reeeeallly expensive. I’m not just talking about the CNN estimates that put a child born in 2013 costing a cool quarter of a million dollars for a middle-income family in the urban Midwest. Yes, categories such as child care, education, health care, clothing, food, housing, and transportation all account for large layouts of cash, but those are expected costs. I’m talking about unexpected costs— and there are many. Because your children and my children and everyone else’s children are, by definition, youngsters and youngsters do dumb things. Yes, new parents, I know it’s hard to believe looking down at your little baby, who is repeatedly delighted by kicking off his socks or playing peekaboo with you, but this baby will grow up and will do something stupid that will cost you hard-earned dollars.
A few examples from my own family, you ask? Happy to oblige. My older son racked up $1000 in fees on his gaming system when he “traded players” while playing a sports video game. Each transaction was a few dollars, but he made a multitude of transactions over a period of a month until the credit card bill came— he was banished for life from every playing again.
This same son also rear-ended a car a half a block from school. Because he was 16 years old and was driving with two friends in the car, under the graduated license laws, he was ticketed and had a mandatory court date. Yes, this involved hiring a lawyer. Yes, attorney’s fees are costly. And yes he was grounded— also for life (well, almost).
My extended family alone has many a tale. When my brother-in-law was little, he found an abandoned bucket of paint with a paint brush sticking out of it. He picked up the brush and then walked home, leaving a stripe on every fence, sign, bush, and garage he passed. My father-in-law had to pay every one of those homeowners to fix the damage. This is the same kid who stuck a pickle up his nose to see what would happen and ended up having to go to the ER when his nose swelled from the vinegar. This is also the same kid who convinced his younger brother (not my husband, I swear) to take a bone away from a neighbor’s dog. The younger brother was bit several times, prompting an ER trip and then multiple doctor visits.
When my nephew was in high school, he house-sat for his aunt and uncle. He called a few friends to come over. Word got out there was a party. Of course hundreds of kids arrived. Of course someone brought alcohol. Of course it got out of hand, with kids trashing the house, including knocking holes in the walls. And of course my brother and sister-in-law had to pay for all those repairs.
Ask any family you know and they will regale you with their stories. My boss’ sister flushed $6,000 down the toilet when her daughter refused to wear her retainer and her teeth completely reverted to their pre-braces state. A friend’s son jumped off the roof of another friend’s house and broke his wrist. My son jumped, too, but only suffered a minor twisted ankle, and then lied to me and told me he did it playing basketball. A teenager we know jokingly slid across the hood of a friend’s car, but his body weight dented it, to the tune of $1,500.
To all the parents out there who have had to replace bikes and toys, go to the ER, or call another parent to apologize: I feel your pain. Be assured, new parents, it’s coming. The day your sweet, innocent Jessica hauls off and smacks another kid at preschool and breaks her glasses. Or the day your fun-loving Justin rides his bike backwards, falls and fractures his arm. You might sigh, and you just might cry. But you will definitely open your wallet.
Katherine Mikkelson is an attorney-turned-writer who lives in Arlington Heights. She blogs at http://StateEats.com, which highlights food from all 50 states.
Back to Katherine's Page
Can not be reproduced or used without written permission Copyright, 2015 All rights reserved